Talking to myself

Havn't post anything for couple weeks, mainly because there wasn't much happening. Went to San Francisco for SAP training during the first week of Feb. And caught a flu there, took me couple weeks to get fully recovered.

Couple things I realized during my illness.
1) It's so nice to have a good friend. After my SAP training, I flew to OC to visit old friend KZ known since the EECS days at U of M. Unfortunately, I was so sick by the time I reached his place. Couldn't do any sightseeing. KZ and his parents were so nice to me and took care me when I was sick there. I couldn't recall anyone took care me when I was sick other than my parents. Partially because I never got sick at a friend's place, paritally i doubt all my friends would be this nice to me, maybe just a few very closed ones. But you see, I had a flu, so it could be contiguous, taking that into consideration, i really couldn't think anyone but my parents would take care me like that w/o worrying getting sick themselves. So bottom line, I was deeply touched by the behaviors of KZ and his parents.

2) If one day my parents left me, I will be all by myself. I wish that day will never come, but it'll happen sooner or later. I have no siblings, no cousins, no any relatives living in the U.S. No bf either. Even my a few good friends do not live closed-by either. I will be all on my own one day. Gosh, That is crisis I never realized! I never felt I needed anyone, coz I was always very self-dependent. I do almost everything on my own, w/o asking any help, unless i have to. Even if I still think I can get over any difficulties life throw at me, I would still like some moral support. What is the solution for the problem? This is a reciprocal question. The answer is obvious...find someone...but who??? At this time of my life, I look around me, it's so hard to find anyone still available. Even if you think someone who might be right for U, recalling all the emotion you wasted on others who didn't feel the same way, you wonder if this is just another illusion to let you waste more time, energy and emotion or maybe it is for real this time...